An Inconvenient Poop

Yeah, I went there. There are more inconveniences out there than the truth, Al Gore. While I will spare any unnecessary details and grossness, this post title came to me last week and I couldn't resist. No, I won't be talking about excrement, or maybe, I will. Let's see where these words take us. I will be touching upon some reality that comes about with having kids—at least a reality for my wife and me.

My wife and I are a team. This means we try to keep each other informed of what we as individuals have going on in our lives. My wife has become quite the runner this year. She needs to train for 5Ks. This along with other tasks she would like to accomplish gets brought up and figured out for the week. The same goes for me as well. I let her know what I would like to accomplish for the week or when overtime is available at work. We're always checking in with each other and coordinating our ever increasingly complicated lives. This is not a hard concept for most adults to understand.

So, it should come as no surprise that we communicate our bathroom habits and timing. We have a baby and two older children, six and eight. We can't just walk away and do whatever, whenever. Sometimes we need to know when the other is out of commission or will be. Sometimes that requires the other to take over. Sometimes that means the eight-year-old needs to keep an eye on the babe. There are many scenarios. Plus, I don't have much shame when talking about bathroom duties or air leakage. I've ruined my wife and kids in that regard. Things get said. Things get smelled. The family bonds.

Kids, on the other hand, or at least mine, don't have those same courteous thoughts and disappear at random times to use the bathroom. For the most part, that's fine. Why should they have to make an announcement to the house? However, there are times they should keep us informed or give a warning of what's to come.

It's time to leave, walk out the door, where's so-and-so? Pooping. And if it's my son, it won't be quick. Everything, even pooping, is an activity worth savoring every minute. My wife often tells him that he is turning pooping into an Olympic event. And based on his positions while doing so, he may just be creating a new event in gymnastics. He takes FOREVER to eat. I guess it should stand that the end product would be no different.

Before we embark on a journey outside of the home, we all take the opportunity to use the bathroom. Whether it's a walk, a trip to the store a few minutes away, or a six-hour drive to visit family, we impress upon the kids that it's just a prudent thing to do, and we enforce it regardless of the conflict it sometimes creates. Everything turns into an argument some days.

What I find humorous and slightly frustrating is how a kid, probably my son, can go from complaining they don't have to pee to going so much it puts a grown man to shame. Or, how a kid complains they don't have to go, you walk away to finish getting ready only to come back and find them pooping. I get it. Sometimes that happens, but it happens to them with a frequency I can't equate to chance. Sometimes poop is sneaky. My baby boy births ninja turds. They hide until you take the diaper off and wha-la! They are airborne. True story.

This last minute pooping before leaving the house happened quite a bit last week—a week my kids had off for conferences and MEA—and that inspired the title to this post. It was pretty easy to pick it up from there. Read another post about our activities for MEA week.

kids, children, inconvenient, poop, pooping, parents
Sorry, Ben.

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